AWRIGHT YOU MEATHEADS!
THIS IS THE YEW-NITED POSTAL SERVICE FORM TWO NINER SEVEN SIX A, OBTAINED FROM THE RACK ON THE WALL OF YOUR FRIENDLY LOCAL POST OFFICE.
DO NOT TRY TO FILL IN AND CREATE THIS FORM ON LINE, AS THE MUTANT THUMB-BRAINED PROGRAMMERS WHO CREATED https://sss-web.usps.com/cns/landing.do HAVE YET TO MAKE THAT ACTUALLY WORK FOR APO AND FPO ADDRESSES IN EYE-RACK.
IT MUST BE SUBMITTED, ONE FORM PER PACKAGE, FOR EACH PACKAGE SHIPPED TO EYE-RACK.
PARCELS MUST BE TAKEN TO THE POST OFFICE DURING OFFICE HOURS; YEW CANNOT DROP A PARCEL IN A BOX AFTER HOURS.
PARCELS SHALL NOT CONTAIN ANYTHING TO OFFEND THE SENSIBILITIES OF THOSE FINE PEOPLE IN EYE-RACK. IF IN DOUBT, LEAVE IT OUT. YES, PHIL FOGLIO, THIS MEANS YOU.
EACH PACKAGE TO EYE-RACK MUST BE WELL-SEALED, WITH CORNERS TAPED OVER, AND A SHIPPING LABEL CONTAINING YOUR ADDRESS AS WELL AS THE DESTINATION ADDRESS, WHICH IS SHOWN ON THE FORM AS AN EXAMPLE FOR YOU DEBUTANTES.
IF YEW TRY TO SHIP BY MEDIA MAIL TO EYE-RACK, YOU ROLL A FUMBLE, AND GEE-EYE JOE AND GEE-EYE JAME GAMER IN EYE-RACK LOSE. IT WILL NOT GET THERE IN TIME FOR ZIGG-UR-AT CON, AS THE DEADLINE FOR MEDIA MAIL HAS PASSED.
IF YOU TRY TO SHIP TO EYE-RACK BY PARCEL POST AFTER MONDAY 21 MAY, YOU ROLL A FUMBLE.
IF YOU TRY TO SHIP TO EYE-RACK BY EXPRESS MAIL AFTER SATURDAY 26 MAY, YOU ROLL A FUMBLE.
THE BLACK ITEMS IN THE RED BOXES DO NOT CHANGE, EXCEPT FOR BOX TEN, IF YOU ARE RICHER THAN PAUL ALLEN AND CAN AFFORD TO SHIP BY EXPRESS MAIL.
ITEMS IN RED TYPE WITHOUT A RED BOX WILL CHANGE, DEE-PENDING ON THE CIR-CUM-STAN-CES OF YOUR SHIPMENT.
BOX FIVE LISTS INSURANCE, WHICH IS OPTIONAL, DEPENDING ON WHETHER YOU WISH REIMBURSEMENT IN THE EE-VENT YOUR PRECIOUS PARCEL IS SPINDLED, FOLDED, MUTILATED OR RUN OVER BY A HUM-VEE.
SAID PACKAGE SHOULD NOT EXCEED 34 INCHES IN LENGTH, NOR SEVENTEEN INCHES IN WIDTH, NOR SEVENTEEN INCHES IN DEPTH. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL REGRET IT, FOR THE RATES FOR THOSE LARGE PARCELS ARE SPEN-DY.
ANY QUESTIONS?
AH CAIN'T HEEEEAR YEW!
